You say rare, and they do it rare.

The atmosphere is quite intimate, but the lighting is not photogenic.

I started with ahi tartare, then Lamb Chops, and THEN chocolate.

A morning pull of the drapes and we are in Cozumel.

Seven ships are in port today, and those only the ones I can see.

Figure from 15 to 20 thousand passengers hitting the shops. For most wants, the pier stores will provide. If you go into town, the merchants will be more persuasive and may get on your nerves. Most tourists think with the amount of people buying, negotiating will be a wasted effort. Not so. Remember, at the moment you are the customer; the merchant wants an on the spot sale like now. Bargain!

I have no idea how many VW taxis are in Cozumel, there must be hundreds, but this is must more fun.

On Magic, inspection is an every day duty.

By the way, talking about inspection this ship got 100% perfect before we sailed.

Not all left the ship for town. The splash area still dumped water on one and all.

There is a lookout stationed at the bottom of the slides. He radios when the slider splashes down to let the top sentry know the next can get in the tube.

Deck service is prompt

and the Carnival marketing team has come up with a unique drink container.

Some caught up on the news and weather on the big screen which features movies at night.

One thing I’ve noticed is a number of people paste or hang things on their cabin door. It’s kind of fun to see what’s along the hall,

never the less, I wonder if it’s not so much a want for decoration, but a way of locating where they live.

I’ve tried hard to find something to whine about on Magic. It’s the sovereign duty of a travel writer to tell about the bad as well as the good. I finally did.

At the beginning of each cruise, Carnival provides tooth paste, body wash, deodorant, etc. all are samples of retail products. On Magic there are about 8 or 9 different items. Included is a small plastic envelope of Q-tips; not a retail sample. They are not full size and “Q” is probably too far along in the alphabet to properly describe them.

When they were used up, I asked my room steward Ovi for a replacement envelope.

“I can’t give them to you. You have to buy them at the store.”

OK, I tried that and couldn’t find any Q-Tips.

As we docked in Cozumel, I asked Ovi again, making it clear, that I really wanted them and he should get them for me.

“You get them first day and no more.” Ovi emphasized.

I went off a bit and doubted that Carnival was so frugal that they couldn’t part with another envelope of 6 mini-tips.

Ovi, scowling, pulled out his phone.

“I’ll have to make a call.”

When I returned to my cleaned cabin there was a tray of goods,

but no Q-tips.

Oh no, here I had been overly stern with Ovi, and it was a miscommunication. I found him, apologized profusely, and explained to him what I meant. I gestured showing cotton at two ends connected by a skinny thingy.

“Yes”, Ovi said, “Q-tips. They won’t let me have any.”

OK, I mean, with the amount Carnival buys, those must cost a few pennies. But factor this in. A Margarita on the rocks costs $10.06. But, of course, that includes salt.

Finally I got a chance to get to the Punchliner comedy club. It was the early show, open to all, including children. Out came John Wesley Austin and blew me away.

Charming, funny, kids and parents and me laughing. Except for the woman next to me. Not even a smile. She probably thought it was supposed to be the art auction.

The Carnival Magic is an amazing ship. Next is the Destiny, amazing plus. When you compare cruise prices, and what you get for your money, there is an easy choice. Carnival Magic.

Tomorrow we dock in Galveston. At 7 AM the ship starts to empty. By 10 AM all will be heading home, except for one. He’s gong to keep cruising, no matter how long it takes, until he hits the Jackpot.

My colleagues know that I am not a ship show enthusiast, but last night’s poles apart performance is better than any show I’ve seen on any ship. It’s called “Illusions”. The photo above is moments after a puff of smoke and an entire helicopter appeared. The old “saw the woman in half” was kind of basic, but then the bottom half of the woman walked around the stage. Nothing I write will begin to illuminate the magic of what happened on that stage last night.

A hint; the doors to the theater open at 10 PM. To get a good seat be at the door at 9:45. There will be a short line. The doors open, and in you go for that good seat, but, what to do for the half hour until Showtime. If you have an eReader, take it with you to pass the time. It works.

Not an illusion in any sense, but strangely mesmerizing to me is what I call the tub dump. The yellow tub fills and then about every minute it dumps!

I love the whole idea of this, and it just keeps on keepin’ on.

The whole water area is a kid’s haven. Carnival for years has had a wonderful children’s program but this takes the top award.

Amazingly, kids who hate to take a bath at home can’t be dragged away.

Adults have the spa.

Never mind a Jacuzzi, the effervescent pool works just fine, thank you.

Ok, children are all around, music playing, people dancing, water splashing, so where to hide? Look for this sign.

This may be the coolest warm spot on the ship.

Just think while you are unwinding, others are working hard to generate the power

for the bubbles in the tub.

Want water and some company. Dangle your feet.

Or stand in a pool.

Or if you really want to get soaked.

Also there’s Texas hold em, and then there’s Texas touch them

As you may guess, a ride down the big slide may well leave you dizzy and not sure which way to go. No hay problemo…just read.

Last night I had dinner in Cucina del Capitano.

This is a lovely restaurant with some great Italian food, plus some of “Grandma’s Recipes”. Our server was from Romania and smiled as she eased me through avoiding garlic. (weird allergy). I would pick what I wanted and she’d go to the chef and check. She then would come back with suggestions. Back to the chef. Suggestions narrowing down. Hooray for salmon and buttered pasta.

The Italian wine was in lovely bottles,

but poured from a barrel.

I think it’s important to have a fair amount of wine so you’ll be prepared when the staff sings and dances to “That’s Amore”.

But no pictures please.

We now leave Progreso for Cozumel. The question on many passengers minds is did the thruster that pushes us away from the dock get fixed. We report, you decide.

Night, night.

It seems the new Carnival Magic has an eatery every ten feet. There’s pizza,

Mongolian Wok,

a deli, and on and on. The Southern Lights and the Northern Lights are the main dining rooms.

Last night we had a lovely server from Serbia. I ordered Minestrone, Alligator Fritters (don’t ask), and Chile Rellenos. First came the fritters, then the rellenos. But where’s the soup? When Alexi brought my main course, I asked about the soup. She blanched, then blushed, and apologized profusely.

“All is cool.” I said, “Just bring it now and I’ll have it with the rellenos.”

Heading for the kitchen, she apologized again, and again, and again. I finished the rellenos. No soup. More wine was poured, more bread came, no soup.

To tell the truth, I was now stuffed; not even room for dessert.

Here’s the soup! She apologized again, and again, and again.

Now what to do? Obviously I had to eat the soup or she’d think I was sulking or angry with her. Every spoonful a major effort. I won’t be able to slurp another bowl of Minestrone for months. The good news is Alexi and I are now friends

Oh, and the alligator fritters were great.I can’t wait for my next fritter.

Magic is scheduled to leave Galveston, spend two days at sea, next Costa Maya, then Cozumel, a day at sea, and home we go. Make “is” was. Apparently, we’ve got a thruster not thrusting. A thruster is a small jet that helps the ship cuddle carefully to the dock. A woman thought thruster was a dance step.

So instead of Costa Maya, we’re in Progreso on the tip of the Yucatan Peninsula for two days. Divers will work on the thruster. We’re next to the Carnival Elation.

The small town of Progreso is being invaded by 6000 people.

According to the table talk last night, the Progreso beach massage is a big draw.

Many will bus to Merida, a lovely town famous for its colonial architecture. While in Merida I came across this painting.

It, I am sure, depicts the discovery of ethanol.

Some lucky ones will head to Chichen-Itza, the extraordinary Mayan ruins depicted in the Mel Gibson movie. The ruins are close enough for a 7 hour tour. The price, an inexpensive $69.95.

Meanwhile, on board, a unique spot to eat and have a beer is the new Red Frog Pub.

Many brands of beer are featured,

but if you want a tall one, Carnival’s Red Frog is goooooood.The café also serves conch fritters, shrimp things, and other goodies. Magic will have Jamaica as part of its new itinerary, so the spicy sauces are from Jamaica.

They are hot, mon. I don’t remember finding these in our grocery store. If you like yours hot with flavor, take home the one featuring “Jamaican peppers”.

Tonight it’s dinner in Cucina del Capitano. Chow

I booked air to Houston on Southwest. This is the first time for me on this ubiquitous airline, and I’ll be happy to take it again. Here’s a hint if you fly Southwest: for ten bucks you can be first to board in section “A”. you also can check in online 12 hours before “the others”. Be sure to check www.seatguru.com to see the best place to plunk.

The flight to Houston was smooth, on time, and goodies were distributed, and two bags; no charge.

The drive to Galveston is about 45 minutes, with lots of Texas space, some taken up by the Space Center. (sorry). Then Galveston. As I approached I couldn’t help but notice the out lying homes build on pylons to escape flooding waters from hurricanes.

After the big storm in the late eighteen hundreds, the worst natural disaster in history, an immense seawall was erected

and Galveston also raised the level of the ocean facing part of the island. Yup, raised it. But, Ike came a few years ago and frustrated by all this, Ike’s water was forced into the bay, and, yes, the lower part of Galveston got very damp. The salt water killed the roots of most of the island’s Oak trees, but hey this is Galveston. The wood from removed dead oaks has been made into lovely bowls, and some of the still standing dead remains, cut to about 6 feet tall have been beautifully carved.

Galveston has mansions built over a hundred years ago,

and more recent less sedate homes.

Oh, and just houses too.

It is quite a mix.

I stayed at Hotel Galvez which is across the road from the beach and just hit the century mark.

It is rumored to be haunted, especially on the 5th floor. My room was on the fifth floor. I was, of course, not concerned, but late at night I heard a barely audible moaning. It was a woman’s voice. My pulse doubled and I thought “Wow, it’s true”. Then I remembered the huge wedding party in the hotel earlier. Oh well.

There are many things to see and do in Galveston. My favorite, especially for families, was the Schlitterbahn Waterpark. Slides,

ride the waves,

splash around,

and river raft.

Christmas rules the area; lights, decorations, and even Santa raising kids hopes. Thanksgiving?? well, it’s kind of on the way.

When you sail Carnival from Galveston, be sure and spend a couple of days in this great community. Be sure to eat at Rudy and Pacos. www.rudyandpacos.com

The Magic is in town!The new Magic holds 3690 passengers. We will be full for the cruise, but tonight is Gala night for half of Texas to explore the ship, eat, and overnight. The booze was free for all. Late at night some staggered down the passageways putting their card keys into slot after slot.

“What was our cabin number?”

“I told you to write it down.”

“Are you sure this is our deck?”

“I’m not feeling well.”

Talking about keys in the slot, when I entered my cabin

I couldn’t get my lights on. I pushed button after button. Frustrated, I pushed a button with a little green light on it really hard. It went into the wall. The green light went out, but no other light turned on. Wait, what’s this slot? Ahh, slide your key into it and lights on! Whee ha. Take your key when you leave and lights off. Brilliant energy saver. (Just thinking, is brilliant the right word, I mean the lights go out. Perhaps clever?)

I’m eating with the press group in the Northern Lights restaurant. Unlike most Carnival ahipa, although bright and flashy,  the slightly weird and Joe Farcus are gone.

Tomorrow we go on the Magic deck.

No one was injured in the gun battle, and arrests were made, but hey, a shopping center?

Mexican tourist authorities have been yammering for weeks about how safe “tourist cities” are, and Cabo has never been a dangerous area. But hey, a shopping center.

What do the cruise lines do now? Mexican Riviera cruises are already feeling the Mexican malaise. Even now they no longer go to Mazatlan, and are getting nervous about Acapulco. (I will no longer get off the ship in Acapulco).

Or maybe they’ll feel safe knowing tourists are protected by the Mexican military.

Buena Suerte!

First a Gala Dinner to welcome Magic to Galveston, then 6 days to Mexico.

Late January it will be a second look at Holland America’s Nieuw Amsterdam.

Fast forward to April, and it’s through the Canal from Hollywood to New York on Crystal’s newly refurbished Serenity.

BUT FIRST

My new book; an inside look at two world cruises. The good, the bad, and the, well, strange. Available at all eBook sites

I took my first cruise from Los Angeles, through the Panama Canal, and around the Caribbean. The cruise ship was a small Greek ship called the Jason, but I must tell you, cruising then was entirely different than today. The cruise staff did most of the entertaining, most of the bands on ships had an accordion player, and customer service was a bit lax.

My cabin had a bunk on each wall with safety straps to keep you in bed in case of rough weather. The portholes had wooden covers that could be screwed on to keep that rough water out of the cabin. When I complained about the air conditioning in my cabin not working, the ship sent an engineer to check it out. A sturdy Greek woman with a hint of mustache appeared in full uniform. She had no command of English, and Greek was, well, Greek to me. Fortunately, we didn’t need much communication to get the job done. I held my hand to the vent and said, “Is warm!” She put her hand to the vent and said, “Is cold!” And that was that. As Aristotle once said, “It is the nature of desire not to be satisfied, and most men live only for the gratification of it.” Whatever.

As the Jason exited the canal into the Caribbean, we were pounded by some very rough seas, and she bounced around enough so that those straps and porthole covers came into play. I sat in the center of the ship on the Promenade deck, and, as advised, kept my eyes on the horizon. I wasn’t sick, but neither was I feeling well, and worse, I was hungry. They told us to eat dry chicken sandwiches which for some reason might stay in place after swallowed. On the Jason, everything was ordered from a desk just inside and off the main deck. I went up to the crewman on desk duty and asked for a dry chicken sandwich. He looked at me, said, “Please wait a moment.” He then opened a drawer, and from a height of about three feet, put most, if not all, of his stomach in the drawer. I passed on the sandwich.

That experience aside, a big attraction of cruising is the food. And there is lots, and lots of good food. With all that largess waiting, a good many passengers are wary of eating too much and gaining weight. I sat with one woman who looked at the menu and asked me what “grouper” was. I told her it was a whitefish that sometimes got as big as three hundred pounds. “Oh,” she said, “I’m really not that hungry.” Another tablemate ate a huge plate of pasta. After she finished, she was upset with the waiter. “I told him,” she said, “to give me a small portion.” “Well”, I countered, “there was a small portion in there.”

Today’s cruise guest has access to food 24 hours a day. Room service is always prompt, and the air conditioner will be adjusted to your liking. Nevertheless, no matter how luxurious the ships, most people who cruise share one single desire. One day, they want to cruise around the world!

I have been twice blessed in that regard, and what you are about to read is a diary of both of those blessings. Some of what I wrote will be a bit dated. For instance, all cruise ships now have access to the Internet operating 24 hours a day. Today’s passengers don’t have to seek out an Internet café at every port, and on a world cruise there are a lot of ports. But, you know, I think they’re missing something; that chance to interact with the locals and other travelers.

So hop aboard, have some laughs, and watch out for that reef off Egypt

It was unexpected, and as it turns out, unprecedented. One of Splendor’s diesel generators caught fire and within seconds the heat melted the above wiring thought safe, behind heavy insulation. All electrical power . . .  gone. Ship motionless. 3,299 passengers and 1,167 crew members without air conditioning, hot food. A diesel generator catching fire was the last thing any sailor would expect.

A special committee has been formed to try to find out how something like this could happen, and how to make sure it never happens again. The committee has air conditioning.

Major repairs were done in SFO. Parts had to be manufactured. A 218,000 lb. generator, two 106,000 alternators, came by plane. Added to that, believe it or not, 110 MILES of electrical cable was installed. More than enough to get a green car to your job and back.

Workers were at it 24 hours a day for three months, trying to get Splendor back in service.

Well, she’s back. Splendor sails roundtrip to the Mexican Riviera visiting Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Cabo San Lucas. Oops, for the moment let’s make that two days in Cabo and none in Mazatlan. Just after Splendor left for the Riviera, a shooting occurred in the Gold Zone shopping district.

Although no tourist was involved, the Gold Zone is a magnet for tourists. Great beaches, first-class hotels, good restaurants, and everyone speaks English. Jewelry shops are omnipresent. I had a lovely ring made there, but have second thoughts about going again. Nevertheless, the spectacular bargains in silver have my wife thinking about getting  a flack vest for our next trip.

Will Carnival decide to visit Mazatlan again? No se.

But visit or not there is nothing like a Carnival ship.

Splendor is aptly named.

Prior to her sailing, I had a dinner in one of her “standard” restaurants. Raves from the table. For most it was the best pasta carbonarra ever ingested. I had roast duck breast . . . unsurpassed. And the soup on any Carnival ship gets a top slurp award. Not to mention the hot lava chocolate fudge cake!

Even if Splendor just roamed around at sea, you would be getting the best value afloat. Just think how much you’ll save so you’ll be able to frolic at Senor Frogs.

Condos are popping up fertilized by Taylor and Burton, who, while they are no longer here, started it all. One of my favorite stories about the two stars is about the home they had (now a simple museum) on one side of the street and the home on the other side which was mostly converted into pool. Burton put up a high wall to keep prying paparazzi at bay. BUT, they had to cross the street to get that swim. Cameras ready 24 hours a day, the Canon creeps kept clicking away. What to do??

Mildly inebriated, but with tons of pesos, Richard built a bridge over the street. Now, no photos unless from a helicopter.

It’s a treat to look out at the lovely and gracefully ageing city.

Oops, wrong side of the ship.

Oops that side doesn’t work either.

And more going up…manana.

The only place now left with a fading shadow of the way “lo estaba”, is old town in the northern section. It’s worth the cab ride.

We are now heading back to Los Angeles

with monster storms awaiting us. Those who now join Symphony for her 14 day roundtrip to Hawaii can put their umbrellas away.

Ahead of Christmas Eve, I have to plug up my chimney. Afraid of rain? Nope, it’s so this dude doesn’t slide down.

To me, more fascinating than Copper Canyon, are the indigenous Tarahumara, some of whom still live in the canyon in caves, beneath rock outcroppings on cliffs, or in unpretentious cabins. These settlements are separated by harsh terrain. Today there are cell phones and texting, but before these tech goodies the only way villages could communicate was by messenger.

The Taramumara could literally run for days and I’m told it wasn’t unusual for one of these dudes to run 435 miles in one go. I find that hard to believe, but I understand that the way Tarahumara would hunt their prey was to chase them until their quarry quit, exhausted. Think how green it would be to hire them to deliver pizza. By the way, the rumor that their food staple was snails is yet to be confirmed.

Off in the distance was a town, maybe Topo, maybe not,

but I stayed on the ship to assess some of the refurbs on Symphony.

After 40 days of dry dock in Boston, a new Symphony surfaced. The Neptune pool disappeared and a lovely and comfortable lounging deck took its place. The Jacuzzis were melded into one big one.

That’s not me. I got in later, but didn’t know how to make it bubble. (The controls are in the end of the rectangle.) Be aware it is hot.

I love the couches

and 180 degree chairs.

Two women were in the Chair next to me and a bee that had been buzzing around my Joop shaving cologne decided their suntan oil was a better bet. I have never seen two bathing suited adults jump, and squeal, and leap, and duck, and hand flap with such abandon during their seat to pool scurry.

The Lido

has been pushed out and some of the outdoor space was taken. The tables left are set to accommodate four.

I have adopted a “please sir” face as I carry my plate and slowly walk amongst the twos. More often than not I’m invited to sit and join them. I’ve met some nice people.

My cabin is on Penthouse Deck 10. All penthouse cabins have been beautifully redone; change of layout, carpet, bathroom, etc.

Mine is kept perfectly by Jessica from Chile.

My dining room steward is Jose; wine steward Ana.

They make this a fun table and ease the boredom of eating alone.

In the evening, Nick Lewin, a wonderful sleight of hand magician and maybe the only magician funny enough to make the hoary three ropes into one entertaining,

gave us a peek into the mind of a magician. As his time on stage came close to ending, he checked his watch to see how much longer he had to go. With a HUGE effort I swallowed the urge to yell, *That’s my watch.” You see he had disappeared someone’s watch when he did his major show. Oh well.

Tomorrow Loreto and another production show, “The Envelope Please”.

For the best in cruising it’s AvidCruiser.com

Years ago my wife and I vacationed in Loreto. Some paved streets, more not, and very few tourists. The beach was great, hotel good, and food perfect. One thing that comes close to standing out in my mind was the airline didn’t make advance seat reservations. If there were more passengers than seats, well tomorrow’s another day. The practice was to hire someone to wait in line for you on the day of the flight. I don’t remember the cost of this, but it was cheaper than another night at the hotel. So why didn’t I go ashore? I didn’t want to replace the fond memory of Loreto for the two newly married with whatever is now “up to date”.

Staying aboard Symphony is certainly not a chore. The botoxed Bistro is a favorite place of many to grab coffees, teas, and goodies.

The bar has been circularized (I can’t believe that’s a word”.

Ubiquitously on display are Christmas reminders. The computer center,

the cheese,

and even the ginger bowl.

This place must be scary around Halloween.

Each night Teodor brings canapés at around 4:45 PM.

Then it’s to dinner at 6:15. I love the dining room’s “first plates” that reflect the food scene of the night.

This was French night.

Actually, I wasn’t very hungry and I found by not eating, my table attracted all kinds of men in tuxedos asking about the food, did I want something else, etc. None could accept “I’m not very hungry.” (This is a cruise ship, idiot, everyone’s ready to eat all the time.)

In the evening, the Crystal Society members were invited to cocktails and dancing in the Starlight Club. The Crystal Society is Crystal’s guest loyalty program. Some of the people at this party have cruised Crystal since the Harmony first went to sea years ago. One even longer than that.

The production show yet again was hugely entertaining. The audience, in formal wear, was a bit reserved, applauding, but absolutely no vocalizing except, you guessed it, from me. Some of the dance numbers combined acrobatics; splits, cartwheels, leaps and in air somersaults; all performed with poise and style. So yes, I shouted out. YES!

Tomorrow Mazatlan.

(For the best in cruise news go to www.avidcruiser.com)

3/31/2011, 10 days Round-trip Los Angeles

11/27/2011, 7 days Round-trip Los Angeles

12/11/2011, 10 days Round-trip Los Angeles

Thanks Michael for your info.

We are in La Paz, “Baja’s Hot Spot”. Who knew?

With 250,000 people, this is Baja’s second largest city. La Paz used to be known as the “City of Pearls”. Unfortunately, all the oysters are long gone.

But first things first. Into each life some detergent will fall and it was laundry time for me. It is really neat to have a free place to do washable clothes.

But, be sure and read the directions on the washers and dryers as they don’t work as you might expect. Well, don’t pay too close attention.

La Paz, although on the ocean, depends on this port which is about a 30 minute drive to the city.

We were serenaded on the way to the free shuttle.

As you drive to La Paz, be sure to sit on the right side of the bus. That’s where you’ll see most of the interesting surroundings.

This area is booming, or trying to boom. Gary Player designed a golf course featured as part of a condo complex.

Lowest price, $750,000 USD.

There are availabilities. A bit further on is a non-completed building with one condo as a model home. On a hill above it all, new million dollar plus homes. There are availabilities.

The city itself is, well a city.

As I was walking, an armed soldier standing in the back of an unmarked pickup truck passed by.

I have no idea what his assignment was. Maybe he was being disciplined.

Just a thought as I walked the shopping area.

If T-shirts suddenly disappeared, hundreds of stores all over the world would be empty.

The center of the Malecon or beach “walk” features a tall Christmas tree,

but none I’ve seen so far can compare with the Symphony tree.

The walk itself goes for miles in each direction and is great for walking or bike riding. Along the way are the most attractive trash barrels anywhere.

For me, no matter what’s on shore, there is nothing nicer than getting back to the boat. (OK, it’s ship, but I liked the alliteration.)

The night was full. Early in the evening a cocktail party in the Captain’s quarters which got me in the perfect mood for dinner in Prego.

We had a table for 5, excellent service and superb food. There is no extra charge for this alternate restaurant, but Crystal suggests a gratuity of $7.00 per person. How they came up with $7.00 I have no clue, but I can imagine the “tip” meeting at the long table.

“How about $5.00?”

“I say $7.00.”

“Let’s meet in the middle at $6.00.”

“I say $7.00 and I’m the CEO!!!!!”

“$7.00 it is, let’s go to lunch.”

From dinner to the show. The production was based on Route 66. Great! Brett Bullock , the head of entertainment for Crystal Cruises, has done it again. In all the years of cruising, this is only the third time I’ve looked forward to the next show. I think we should all send Brett $7.00.

Tomorrow Topolobampo.

Fifteen years ago, my wife, Michael, and I sailed on Symphony’s inaugural out of New York to Los Angeles. I remember walking onto the ship and seeing the rain of water next to the sculpture. That is about the only setting that I still recognize.

This ship has changed quite a bit since 1995 (as have I), and the “new” Symphony is stunning. More about specific changes will come later.

My wife and I have made the trip to the LA Cruiseport numerous times. For some reason this time I put the place name in our navigation system. Did I put Cruiseport? No. Did I put Port of Los Angeles? Yes. OMG!!!

I won’t go into the near dissolve of my marriage, but I kept telling Michael to “go left, go right, NO!! I said right”. You get the picture. We ended in a strange area, no ship in sight, lots of oil tanks, and a building. The Port of Los Angeles. Nice office.

From that point it was a nightmare. We kept trying to get back to the freeway, navigation system be damned. Not good, the city of something was having a parade, and each turn we took, after a few blocks, had floats, police, barriers, etc. Do you know how hard it is to hear marching band music with your wife screaming?

At last the ship. Although I had left home in plenty of time, the long trip ate that up. I was the last to board. Once on Symphony, the stress faded. I’m on Penthouse Deck in a lovely and spacious stateroom.

Bags arrived quickly, and I unpacked. Oops, somehow I totally forgot to bring a razor and shaving lotion. Forgetting the razor was a $15 mistake. If this happens to you, I suggest buying in port rather than on board.

Cologne was a different issue. Faced with a penny candy smell shelf,

I went by label alone. I have a bit of a sinus problem and am aroma impaired. God knows what the result of a squirt of Joop is, but it looks cool on the bathroom shelf.

My butler, Teodor, introduced himself. He’s from the UK and has an accent that completely eludes translation. And he speaks rapidly! It’s like watching a foreign movie without subtitles. He asked me something, and without a clue as to what he said, I um-hummed yes. Ten minutes later a bottle of vodka appeared.

Dinner was sushi. Nobu is a famous sushi creator and oversees preparations. I heartily recommend the “house special”.

Be careful of the wasabi. It has twice the zing of any I’ve had ashore.

The TV has “cable” channels, so Sunday night football closed the curtain for me. A note about the TV; its flat screen faces directly forward

and thus is difficult to see from the bed. Pull it straight out, do some twisting,

and line of sight is from pillow to screen.

Tomorrow a look at the ship, but let me leave you with this. President Obama has the Bush tax problem. Enough already!

More than a few ships were in port,

which surprised me as it was Monday. Turns out that there are more airline seats available on Mondays, and the cruise lines have adjusted.

Debarking Sojourn was a breeze. I was first off the ship, bags were organized on the pier, and immigration was simple and speedy.

I had a car reserved to take me from Port Everglades, to the Miami Cruise Terminal. My instruction sheet issued to me by the car service instructed me to dial a specific 800 number to dispatch the limo from the holding area to the pick up lanes.

As you may remember, my cell phone was resting comfortably at home. I had to use a payphone to make the call. I had two, and only two, precious quarters in my pocket. Leaving the terminal building, there were two phones, on my immediate left; one pay, and one a free courtesy phone.

Yay for Pier 4. The quarters stayed in my pocket and I followed the phone instructions; dial 9, then the number. I did. Beep, beep, you’ve dialed a non functioning number, or words to that effect. I tried again; same recording.

Quarters out and into the pay phone. I got the same recording, AND the phone kept one quarter, while spitting the other out. Now what? The number to get my car didn’t work, and I had no idea how to make any of this happen.

I sought out a Celebrity official who was there to help departing passengers. He took out his cell to try the mystery number. Oh, but wait a minute, he didn’t have his glasses. I helped him press the buttons, and hallelujah, a voice answered. My now partner, besides not being able to see, couldn’t hear. I was handed the phone, and indeed it was dispatch. I told ‘dispatch” that I was ready to go.

“Where are you?”

“Terminal 4”

“I can’t hear you.”

“TERMINAL 4!!!!!”

“What is on your left?’

“The boat.”

“What are you standing next to?”

“A sign that says ‘pick up area’.”

“Look to your right.”

I actually thought I was hallucinating, but grudgingly looked to my right. And there, my friends, was my limo driver waving a sign that was too far away to read. He, being thoughtful, hadn’t bothered to wait in the holding area.

Off to Miami. Driver Reuben had a nearly indecipherable accent, and was giving me a tour as we went South. I did a lot of um humming.

We arrived at the Eclipse terminal. Since this was a two day trip, no baggage handlers were available. I was rolling a big suitcase and a carry on. When I got to security, I showed my passport plus my invitation to board. The invitation, for some reason wasn’t enough to get me in. They passed me on to a special desk. The lady there needed my cabin number. Well, I didn’t have that, so she looked for my name on a list. There were well over a thousand names on the list, not in alphabetical order, but listed by cabin number. I know you’re, way ahead of me, but I’ll say it anyway. My name was on the last page.

I was cleared and headed up to the boarding area. A “sentry” was in charge of the early boarding. I explained to him that I was to attend the press conference. He pointed to his lapel and said you need a purple button. After back and forth about my missing purple button, some Celebrity officials came by and said that there is no problem, but we had to wait until 10:30 to board. I put my luggage in a corner and sat to wait. After a bit, I needed to use the mens’ room. To get there, I had to pass through final security where bags and people are x-rayed. The mens’ room was down a hall that led to final check in.

When I came back and tried to go through reverse security, they called a port of Miami officer to deal with me. Apparently while I was, well you know, boarding had started. Suddenly my bags were all alone. Alert! Alert! The unaccompanied baggage alarmed all, and it was put through the screener without me.

I left the shaking heads and went to media check in. Standing next to me was someone who seemed to know me, and I vented a bit to him about how much better I thought Port Everglades was for cruise passengers. He didn’t agree.

All being in order, I received my room card. Next, to the escalator to board. Nope.

“We are not yet boarding, but you can sit here.”

As I sat the man I spoke to earlier about the difference between Port Everglades and Miami, came by on his way up the escalator and said that I needed a “Guest” sticker. Back to check in. Sticker now pasted on my shirt, it was up the escalator I went. At last, I thought, all hurdles have been jumped, and I’m on the ship.

Talking about hurdles, I ran the low hurdles in high school and in a meet brushed the top of the 4th hurdle. It had been set up backwards and didn’t fold as it should have. I ended up face first in the gravel track.

I went up the ramp and presented my room card to on-deck security. They inserted it. It didn’t work. The machine hummed then burped. Second try, same result. The two security guards then opened the machine and pulled on some connections. Machine closed, card inserted, humming and burping. The 4th hurdle?

They let me on, but said to go to Guest Services. Not a chance! I was on and headed to the press conference.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, I saw the man I had talked to about my preference for Port Everglades. He was on the panel representing the Port of Miami.

Coming up, a look at Celebrity Eclipse.

This is the last day of this voyage and also the last of nine sea days. If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I’ve been traveling alone. After awhile, my mind kind of numbed out. That is why I got interested in egg yolks. The eggs from Vons in Santa Clarita have pale yellow yolks. The eggs on Sojourn are red.

Why is that? Well, no one on the ship seems to know and could care less. The closest I came to an answer was from a gal from Jamaica who said it was the chickens. Well, I suppose so, they come first.

I am now in the midst of packing. Ordinarily, this is not a problem, but I am going to be on the Celebrity Eclipse for two days and need access to clothes. There won’t be any baggage handlers for the Eclipse doings, and they advised to only bring carry-on. Even the world’s strongest man would hesitate to call my 12 days of luggage “carry-on”.

The food on Sojourn defines gourmet. Each night at The Restaurant has been a consuming challenge. It was hard to decide what not to eat as all the entrees were tempting.

Even the vegetarian dishes were out of the ordinary. I do wish that I could have been at the meeting where they named The Restaurant. I am sure that a dozen designations were brought up and turned down. Then, folks, someone said how about calling it The Restaurant? Two to one it was the boss, and that’s why no one quarreled with that uncomplicated appellation.

So what can Celebrity’s Eclipse offer that will compete in the food category.? Well, how about if your food is upside down? Check out my article on Qsine.

Tomorrow off to Miami, then on Wednesday, American Airlines puts a period to this excursion. In December it will Crystal Symphony’s last Mexican Riviera cruise. and if food is still the subject, Michael and I will spend more than one dinner at the sushi bar.

Five dollars will buy you all you can eat.

Sayonara.

The Club is perfect for teatime, but it only seats about 50 people. Never mind. The show went on. One by one each lead singer took the stage with backup singers lining the hall. Indeed, it rocked the boat. I have some video. Maybe it will publish here. I really need Ralph Grizzle Avid Cruiser guru to put this together.

Ralph, help!!

When I got back to my cabin, I had a roommate. Nicole apparently thought I needed company.

The ship is swaying from side to side as big swells move from starboard to port.

Everyone trying to navigate the corridors is bouncing off the walls. People passing one another, if they are not careful, will end up embracing. It was fun watching folks reaching for food at the buffet and doing a semi-jog backwards, tongs in hand.

There is a high surf alert in the Ft. Lauderdale area, and talk of possible flooding. I mentioned this to someone at lunch, and he got nervous about whether his flight would get off the ground. I assured him that if the airport gets flooded so will most of the town. Not to worry.

At lunch a man and his wife were eating and playing Scrabble. I guess after eight days at sea they’ve run out of talk.

Last night I was again a guest at the end of a table for eleven. On my left a charming lady from Liverpool who chatted about the upscale changes to that city. She didn’t talk to me for long. On her left was an elderly man who recited his gaining a free trip because of the amount of days he has sailed Seabourn. That evolved into his Alaska trip. It was all word for word what head said to me a few dinners ago. On my right a sweet woman with a voice so whispery that it was as if she didn’t want anyone to hear her. Nobody did.

Our hostess was not quite versed in hosting duties. The host or hostess at a table will wait until all are served, and the say, “Bon Appétit”. Our hostess, a sweet lady flautist, didn’t want to start first, and sat quietly while we waited. After a bit I said, “Bon Appétit”. That became my job for the dinner.

There’s another show tonight, this time in The Salon. After the show there are different spots to visit. There’s music, dancing, and gambling. Last night I stopped by the casino and only one person was playing roulette; three were at the Blackjack table. Otherwise the casino was empty, except for the slots.

Tonight is formal, but many passengers will stay in their cabins and order off the menu. Not a bad idea. There are lots of movies on the TV and more music than one could possibly listen to in 12 days.

We have one more day at sea, and all are hoping for a quieter ocean and the end to a shaking ship.

.

I needed to quickly fax material to Westways magazine. Other ships you havetoshow up at purser’s desk, maybe wait in line, and cross your fingers that it gets sent. Sojourn? Go to Sojourn Square and hand it to the attendant. He will reach over and pull the Fax machine out of the wall and off it goes.

Another plus I love, the menus for all restaurants are in your suite the night before. That sure beats going to read the menus in front of the different serving areas. There is a small problem. It makes me hungry. Tonight it will be braised veal osso bucco.

There are dance activities every day, and what I presume are individual lessons. I am pushing for a reality show called “Deck Dancing”.

Ta-da

We are a couple of days east of Fort Lauderdale, and going through sunshine, then big rainstorms, then sunshine.

There are some lovely rainbows but they are extraordinarily camera shy.

This is where I spend my “sun” days.Lots of room, a steward giving constant attention, and a great Jacuzzi.

There are tons of other choices for sunning, but this is not that much of a tanning crowd.

Not many golfers either.

As we approach Fort Lauderdale, it’s time to say goodbye to places visited for the last time.

Tonight there is a show on deck called “Rock The Boat”. Tomorrow some photos of the boat rocking.

Cruise Critic just named Seabourn the top luxury cruise line:

“Seabourn’s new Odyssey and Sojourn are the largest true luxury ships in cruising, and yet the size works. It allows for more onboard choice – especially the fantastic Seabourn Square, a combination library, coffee shop, bakery and social hub — and yet attention to detail in its cuisine, service and upscale yacht-like ambiance, is impeccable.”

That statement is a complete misrepresentation. The Silversea Silver Spirit is larger, and certainly true luxury.  Regent, should be counted too. But as my Grandmother used to say, never mind.

Sojourn and Odyssey, unlike competitors, do not have butler service. Truth be told, I don’t miss it. First off, my room stewardess, Nicole, brings me milk and cookies each night.

Room service is prompt. I ordered a five course dinner from the restaurant menu and it was delivered in ten minutes. Faster than calling butler, giving order, etc. And I love Seabourn Square. In addition to what Cruise Critic mentioned, there are four desks in a semi enclosed space that take the place of the usual Purser’s counter.

No lines, no hassle, just fast service no matter what the concern.

I ate with Cruise Director Jan Stearman last night (table for 11).

There was much discussion about luxury lines. It’s relatively impossible to pick the best. So much depends upon personal taste, and how many luxury ships have been experienced. For instance, no one mentions the German ship Europa.Is this luxury? Ja wohl!!!!

Cruise Critic terms Sojourn and Odyssey as “largest” , but 450 passengers is not large in the scheme of things. Showtime will not be a group of gyrating dancers. On this ship there are only four performers; they sing. They separately joined a production company in London where they were put together and trained. They learned well, and are a pleasure to listen to and watch.                           

The Grand Salon (theater) is more of a lounge; comfortable, but with problems.

The supporting pillars in many places narrow the view of the stage. There’s a lot of scrambling to find a place that is not blocked.

And then there’s The Club. Team trivia at 11:45

melds into tea at 4:45 with music, and later drinks and canapés before dinner.

Earlier in the cruise I sat next to Laura, a social hostess from England who, in addition, sometimes sings at tea. When she does, Britain fades away.

She is superb, and music, I hope, will be her future.

More about the ship coming as the days float by, but right now it’s time for a nap.

Funchal

Funchal is the largest city, the municipal seat, and has been the capital of Portugal’s Autonomous Region of Madeira for five centuries. It’s been a rocky road for Funchal.

The island, and Funchal specifically, were vulnerable to privateer and pirate attacks. In 1566, French corsairs attacked with a force of 1,200 men, on three main ships and small fleet of eight support craft. This armada anchored in the beach of Formosa, disembarked a contingent of 800 men that marched toward the city in three columns. Funchal’s fortifications were assaulted by land, where its defense was thin; the defenders could not reposition the canons directed toward the sea. The city suffered a violent sack that lasted 15 days until the last of the armada left.

Little remained of Funchal, but today, the population is 140,000, and it is a bustling city.

Although another attack is not to come, they are still alert.

It is lovely to walk along the pedestrian way. There are tons of outdoor cafes and no empty tables. It’s lunch time.

And, as is typical of Spanish type towns, there is a statue of one of the cherished in the middle of the square

There are also those not so important, but hey, put up a statue.

One of the things that puzzled me was the white area on the cathedral.

All I could think of was it was space for a coming advertisement;  “Praise God and shop here.”

Another building had me questioning. I couldn’t imagine the space inside and wondered what caused it to be built so slim. Maybe the architect only had a narrow roll of paper for his plans.

Heading along the waterfront, back to the ship,

I was captivated by a sign that said, “Sardine Salad and Sangria 8.50 Euros.” I was sold. It was very tasty, and  I just bet those sardines were caught that morning.

A sad sight was waiting at the pier.

A man with whom I had chatted was being taken to the hospital. When I met him he was on oxygen and in a motorized wheelchair. I don’t know what happened. He talked to me as they wheeled him out, but certainly wasn’t happy. Better it happened early than in the midst of the Atlantic.

I was looking forward to dinner as I was a guest at the table of two of the social hostesses. Yeah right, once again I was at the end of a table for twelve. There was some fun conversation, but it felt weird not to be able to talk to either of the hostesses except to say goodbye.

Tomorrow is the first of nine days at sea.

At Sea

First off, please excuse the the order of this blog. Since we are sometimes satellite impaired, the publishing can work one day and not the next.

This day, after a redeye from Los Angeles, is always a catch up day for me.

Today, I slept until 2 PM.

One of the things concerning me was eating alone as I am traveling alone, and it’s not simple for me to walk up to a stranger and say, “Hey, can I eat with you tonight?” As I found out last night, there will be an invitation in my mail each day to join a hosted table. This is a wonderful gift from Seabourn, and makes things so much easier. However, not everyone at the table is solo, but couples are not seated together.

We are not a full ship, and a good many on board are from Britain and Germany. With the Euro treating our dollar like a bully kicking sand in our face, cruise ship fares are incredibly attractive to the Euro folks.

Tonight, it’s the ship’s doctor’s table. Again, a long table for 12, which limits conversation. There are four on each side and two at each end. That makes it close to impossible to converse with the host and basically limits the chitchat to the people immediately to the left and right.

I was seated at one end; on my left, a man from Belgium, and on my right, a man who never stopped talking and waving his arms. He is from England, but not with an accent I could decipher. I caught every 4th or 5th word. I got that he had taken a cruise on the Mississippi river. I asked if it was a Paddle Wheel boat. He said he’d only played that game a few times, waved his arms and went on. There was not much room for anyone else to talk. That, for me, was a relief.

The doctor sat with a closed lip smile and only spoke when asked a question. I’m not sure what country he is from, but English, I’m sure is not his primary language. I hope I don’t fall ill with anything complicated.

My goal on this trip was to get the recipe for the incredible French Fries served at The Grill.

They have some kind of coating, just enough to give a sense of crust.

When we were on Seabourn’s Odyssey, we persisted in asking for the recipe. Everyone we asked persisted in avoiding the question. This afternoon I cornered an inscrutable Chinese serving the French Fries. Much to my disappointment he became scrutable.

“We get them frozen from a company in San Francisco.”

Tomorrow, we’ll see land for the last time this trip. We arrive in Funchal, which is an island due west of Casablanca, Morocco, about noon. The ship has a shuttle service to town, and I’m on a mission to find Pomegranate juice, something I drink every morning, but mine is still sitting in the Fridge at home. Oops.

Days so far are sunny and warm.

Approaching Lisbon 

Such a beautiful city from the air; buildings of all different shapes, ancient to innovative, tall and short. From above, Lisbon is a city that invites exploration. Of course, those were the roofs I was looking at.

We left the plane and then had a bit of a walk.

That scene repeated itself around a corner, and then again around another corner. I know it was more than a mile to the baggage area.

It always irks me when Christmas is pushed out before Thanksgiving, but I admit in a dreary area, decorated by abandoned bags and carts, it was, well merry.

Since Portugal is part of the EU, no forms had to be filled out before showing our passports. Immigration was speedy; customs a nod of the head.

The airport is lovely,

but I wanted to get to the boat  port. How to do it was the problem; no one showed up to meet me. A lady and her sister had the same dilemma. She said her travel agent had promised someone would be waiting for her. The three of us hung around from 7:30 until 9:30.

I decided to take a cab, but had no idea where the port was, nor its name. The woman in the information cubicle didn’t either. She stared at her computer, pushed a few keys, moved her eyebrows up and down, and then went to ask someone. Her confidence in the name she gave me should have been encouraging. It wasn’t.

At least the airport was organized. The cabs came in, the line moved, your carts were taken, and you were off.

The fare to the ship was from 12 to 14 Euros; close to 17 to 20 dollars.

My cab driver neither spoke nor understood English. A “nice day isn’t it” just got a shrug. Several boats were in port, so I pointed and said “Seabourn.” Another shrug. Luckily, Sojourn was the last in the row so I shook my head no three times, and then yes, vigorously.

The waiting area before boarding consisted of some fake flowers, and around fifteen folding metal chairs. Boarding was not until 12:30. Well, the lady and her sister’s cab pulled up and the lady was having none of that. She ranted to other passengers, to me, and to the walls until the ship’s officer in charge of customer relations was called. Next immigration was summoned. Soon there was our group in line, then a podium, then a tight knot of four or five men, some in uniform, thrashing things out. We were aboard by 10:30.

I took a loooong nap, but was up and about for the “sail away” on Deck 9.

The band was great, really cooking,

and good stuff was poured.

Ahhhhhh, Seabourn. Sadly, it was goodbye to Lisbon.

Later, I was invited to dine with the Enrichment Lecturer. It was a table for 12. I was at one end. My “ears” didn’t go as far as the other end. Actually the table kind of divided itself. On my left was the Social Hostess….very personable, got my jokes, and helped me get through the evening.

On my right, last to the table, was a man in his late fifties. He was what I term a conversational agitator. He’d say something, reactions would come, then he’d say, “Hey I’m just joking.” All in all, a bit weird, but a lot of fun.

After dinner I gave in to my body and crashed!

So we left with plenty of time to spare. Oops, accident on freeway….freaking out!!!! I kept checking my cell, just to do something besides sweat.

We made it an hour and 45 minutes before flight time, but I was still hanging on to frenzied. Grab the baggage, quick goodbye, rush to check in. The area was almost empty. TSA was not busy.

Surprised, I decided to call Michael (my wife) to let her know, and to apologize for my up-tight behavior.

My cell phone was gone! I checked with security. Not there! Now, calling Michael became a necessity. I had to tell her why I couldn’t call her for the next two weeks. I haven’t used a pay phone in years, nor do I carry quarters.  Down the corridor to a vendor who couldn’t open her register just to give me change, but went into her own purse. She, thankfully, carried quarters.

My gate was next to security. They were giving me a second look. I mean, who runs towards them. Quarter in the slot, buttons pushed; her line was busy!! I took a seat close to the phones and as I did, the outgoing crew gathered nearby. While I was waiting, I decided to get a paper to read.

As I paid my favorite vendor, one of the crew members yelled,

“Geoff Edwards, your wife wants to speak to you.”

Michael had called back the number shown on her phone.

As I picked up the receiver the female First Officer said,

“Boy, she really keeps track of you.”

My cell phone had dropped between the front seat and the door. Good news it wasn’t lost; bad news, I‘ll need more quarters so I can call her from Newark

To paraphrase almost every politician, “I misspoke”. Newark airport was lovely. My gate for Lisbon was just across from my arrival gate, and right next to an oyster and seafood restaurant. Very good Manhattan clam chowder.

We left on time and the back of the plane gods blessed me with an empty row.

I stretched out and pulled the blanket over my head.

Night, night, until Portugal.

In six hours, I fly from LAX to Lisbon, Portugal on Continental Air. We connect in Newark for the flight to Lisbon. Let me put it this way: I hate Newark Airport! But, it is what it is.

In Lisbon I’ll board the new Seabourn ship, Sojourn, for 12 days to Ft. Lauderdale.

Nine of those days will be at sea. I’ll be traveling alone and I’m not sure there are enough solitaire games to cover the time.

Sojourn is at the top of the luxury list; out of 5 stars it gets 6+. The food is incredible (the best French Fries I’ve ever had), the crew the friendliest I’ve come across in 41 years of cruising, and the service on the all suite ship is beyond compare. So it’s not as if this will be a chore, but I have a personality that tends to shy away from strangers. If I don’t conquer that flaw, I’ll be spending a lot of time talking to myself and worse, having to listen.

I belong to Cruise Critic, and there is a trip by trip, and ship by ship roll call. People taking the same cruise connect and  have a “meet and mingle” early in the voyage. So, I do have a chance to sit at a friendly table.

And of course, you’ll be with me too, right?

OK here we go……….

Did you know that years ago, “Have a nice day” and the smiley were generated out of a California advertising agency? Almost as ubiquitous is “Mexican Riviera”. I have no idea where that tag came from, but it set up the whole area of Cabo, Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlan, and Ensenada. They are visited by thousands of cruisers every year, but change is in the wind.

Royal Caribbean’s 3,114-passenger, Los Angeles-based Mariner, the largest cruise ship operating Mexican Riviera itineraries, will move to the Mediterranean beginning in January. It’s the third cruise line to give up on the in the last seven months.

Norwegian Cruise Line announced in March that the 2,240-passenger Norwegian Star would move to Tampa in October 2011, and Carnival’s Elation

has already moved to Mobile and is happy in the Caribbean.

How bad can it get? Well, badder. Princess says that when potential passengers see “Mexican Riviera” on the visit list, they look for other itineraries. Seeing the empty cabin future, pretty soon Princess’s Panama Canal trips will completely bypass Mexico.

Count on an extra day at sea.

This is bad news for Mexican merchants, but good news to shoppers; the fewer the buyers the easier the bargaining.

Cabo will take a huge hit.

Will all cruises to Mexico cease? We’ll see, but if you want to be sure you get to the Riviera ports, do it in style. Crystal’s Symphony is making three 7 day round trips from Los Angeles to Cabo, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta. The first goes November 21. and everyone on shore will be happy to see you!!

This trip is being blogged at www.avidcruiser.com. Please log in and take a look.

When you access my Odyssey blog, order by email and it will all come to you rather than you going to it.

“What want?”

“A photography magazine.”

“No have, go home, sleep!”

Ah, the Chinese and their inscrutable marketing technique.

We took a tour this morning. First we went to what Michael thought our guide, a Chinese woman named June, had referred to as the tallest temple. I guess Michael figured all Asians had a problem saying the letter “l”. Although impressive, the temple was not very tall. Probably because it was a Taoist Temple, not the tawest temple.

The temple was jammed with people praying, burning incense, and making offerings of fruit and meat.

One of the popular things to do was to shake a cup full of numbered wooden sticks until one stick came out. The stick was then taken to a Temple fortune teller who, for a price, would interpret the number and forecast the coming year. The fortune tellers rent their booths from the Temple priests. I saw one Chinese lady shake out a stick, look at it in disappointment, put it back, and try again. Must have been last year’s number, and she wanted no part of that.

The tour stopped by an arts and crafts store to allow us shop and take a much needed bathroom break. We were led to the second floor where two small rest rooms were located. The women lined up, and their slightly fractious queue stretched a ways out the open door and down the hall. I went up to the next floor and found identical facilities. I came down to tell the crowd of women the good news. They just looked at me and then turned back to pressing forward in line. The herd instinct is alive and well on this tour.

From there to the food market and the jade market; the two markets are bisected by a busy street. The fish were so fresh they were flopping around on the display trays. The fishmongers scaled them while alive. Want some eel? They cut a piece off; and the rest of the eel wiggles around.

People were buying fish heads, the jaws opening and closing, even though the body of the fish had been sold earlier. This little food foray really affected Michael. For now, at least, she will only eat pasta.

The Jade market was strange; tons of jade; pendants, nuggets, bracelets, statues at an incredibly cheap price. Like $1.50 US for a guaranteed, fine Burma jade pendant.

Methinks the Burma plastic factories are running at full speed. Michael bought a neat chunky bracelet. It is brown and has Chinese stuff carved into the sides. It is made of something heavy, and cost about $8.00.

The afternoon was spent buying a camera. When you ask the price, the salesman enters it into a pocket calculator and shows the readout to you. Then you take the calculator and put in what you want to pay. Then he groans, and puts in another number. This continues until you both agree on a price. He groans again, and looks like you have really taking advantage of him. The real reason he has a sad face is that he only cheated you out of $100 instead of $200. Yes, I am sure I paid too much for the camera, but it was a fun experience, and we needed the camera for the rest of the trip. If anything ever goes wrong with it, it shouldn’t cost too much to have the warranty translated from Chinese to English.

When I put everything together for this trip, I knew that I would forget one or two things, but felt confident that I could pick them up ashore or in the ship’s store. I have run out of shaving lotion. For over thirty years I have used cologne called Canoe. It is from France, and to my nose, lacks the cloying sweetness of many men’s after shave lotions. (If I were King, I would have the man who invented Paco Robanne shot.) Every time I go to the Caribbean, I buy Canoe in bulk. When I travel, I leave the larger bottle home and carry only a small spray bottle. It is now empty. Michael and I searched all over Hong Kong for Canoe, but were finally told that it is not available in Asia. Then came the testing of various products. The Chinese in the store were fascinated with this process. We finally decided on something for men from Estee Lauder. We left the store with my wrists smelling like a crowded subway full of hookers. When I waved to attract a cab, eyes around me rolled back into their heads.

I have this mirror vision in my mind,

but it is so strange, after all these years, to not smell like me.

Good for them, but bad for me; they live in Fiji. I seldom get to see my eldest grandkids, Wrenn and Brigg. But wait, there’s more. The entire family decided to go to Fiji for Christmas. That includes my daughter, her husband, and daughter from Portland, Oregon, and Rona, a 16 year old exchange student from Germany My next in line, Chess from near San Diego; even my former wife.

The Portland group arrived in Canyon Country (near LA). It seems their hired van did not show up, and they were lucky to get to the Portland airport. It was raining there. That being said, they arrived at Bob Hope Airport in Burbank in good shape. It was raining.

It is summer in Fiji, and with only a week’s notice the government decided DST was a grand idea. The problem? Nobody was quite ready, and Air Pacific had to adjust schedules quickly. When we arrived in Fiji, the cell phones still weren’t updated to the correct time. Good for us, though, as our flight left earlier than expected.

Tom Bradley International ticket counters and TSA baggage screening areas were jammed with people, bags, carts, and lines were long. Amazingly, Air Pacific had what amounted to a traffic director, and we were shunted to an empty counter and then to an adjacent, almost empty, TSA screening queue.

Flight FJ811 was delayed for an hour. Oh, I forgot to mention Jolly Old St. Mick, a major cyclone had arrived in Fiji. The Nadi (pronounced Nandi) airport was closed and Air Pacific personnel were constantly on the phone to Nadi asking technical questions like, “Is it gone yet?”

My son, Todd was on the phone to us and his house in Pacific Harbor was being blasted by wind and rain. The electricity was off in his whole area, and the Christmas turkey was in the now tepid freezer.

Mick split, and our 747 400 was up and away. We were in the top level of the plane, colloquially called “the bubble”. Air Pacific fed us a light dinner, and a nice breakfast. The ten hours in between were for sleep, movies, or music on individual screens.

Landing at Nadi was without incident,

and although we saw a few fallen trees,  lots of big puddles, and a few signs askew, at least here, Mick had done little damage.

Customs and immigration were a breeze and a few bulas later we were on our way.

About a twenty mile drive north to Latouka, Naia was waiting.

She is a luxury live-aboard dedicated to diving. Her Captain, Jioji, knows some incredible spots and this boat is in great demand by serious divers. Shortly, she’ll be on a 28 day charter with the goal of finally determining Amelia Earhart’s ultimate stop.

Although, diving was available, our first choice was the beach.

There are many different islands with lovely beaches, each with a nearby village. Each village has a Chief. At each stop, Naia’s spokesman (Not everyone can be a spokesman; that appellation is inherited, not bestowed.) went ashore to take the Chief a kava root.

They then do the saevu-saevu ceremony. The spokesman comes to the Chief on hands and knees, eyes downcast, and offers the root. A lot of Fijian goes back and forth; hands clap at the appropriate pauses; the Chief accepts the root, then kava is passed around. We now have permission to stay and loll on the sand.

I’m not sure exactly what happens at that ritual, but we’ll be attending one later this trip and I will report. I do know that drinking Kava is part of it, and as the eldest I must start the bowl around the room. I also know my lips may well numb out.

There is a singular scenic splendor that the fire, steam and smoke of the volcanoes left for us to gaze upon.

The skiff picks us up for lunch before the heat blasts us away.

Food on Naia is inventive and there are three choices for each meal that change every day.

Don’t miss the mahi mahi. It was the best and most perfectly cooked (moist and on the rare side) I have experienced.

I had the opportunity to dive and get a close-up of the multi colored coral, but, although certified, I took a nap instead. Don’t ask.

In the evening, when all were sharing photos, I passed mine around. Most were surprised as they hadn’t seen me in the water.

It was of one of the many photos on the lower walls. Don’t tell.

After our three day excursion we returned to Latouka, the Captain and crew not employees, but friends. As  said, we all are part of the Naia family.

My son Todd and his wife Alexx have a lovely compound in Pacific Harbour.

They are on a river that empties into the ocean about 200 yards around a bend.

From Latouka to Pacific Harbour is a three hour drive. The national speed limit is 40 mph. Trucks are limited to 36 mph. The trip south and then east passes sugar cane fields and some beautiful homes, but sadly, most of the villages are small cinder block boxes, some in worse shape than others. There is poverty, and many eke out a simple subsistence livelihood.

Follow the river upstream a mile and there is a bay perfect for waterskiing.

Home prices around the bay are rising, and for good reason. It is simply beautiful and, as a whole, Fijians are the friendliest people you’ll ever meet. “Bula” is the greeting and it comes at you from all sides. People walking along the road wave a hand and say it, people in stores say it. Bula is a national trait.

Of course living in a third world country does have a few hang ups. Because of the cyclone we lost water pressure a couple of times. The Fiji Meteorological Service chastised citizens for not paying attention to warnings about Cyclone Mick’s approaching damage. BUT, the Met Service was closed on Sunday, so no info about the immediate approach could be gathered. All this aside, perhaps the most bothersome in this beautiful country is the price of Cuervo Gold Tequila. One hundred dollars!!! That’s US dollars. It’s 170 Fijian. Better if you augment your visual splendor with vodka.

Christmas with the family, now in the books as FFF, Fijian Family Festival,

was a special treat, nevertheless the Lovo was certainly equivalent. Food is cooked in an underground oven of heated rocks.

Expect a variety of foods wrapped in banana and palm leaves, covered with earth, and coming out after a few hours as tender meats, chicken, seafood, root crops, and tasty greens cooked in coconut cream. Coconut cream is not easy to come by. 48 coconuts were shredded

and then the shredding mashed and squeezed to get the milk.

When the food is unveiled it is pretty, pretty hot. Buna, who is part of the Fiji family, refuses to use gloves to snatch it, so cold water is there for her between grabs.

Next we all gather and the saevu-saevu begins. Kava is squeezed into a big bowl,

then transferred to a smaller bowl to be offered to the eldest on down. When the bowl comes to you,

you clap cupped hands once. Then it all goes down the hatch. Next, cupped hands clap twice, and a word that sounds like “motha” is spoken or shouted depending on how much kava you have already had.

Now a bolt from the blue. The drink that has had ceremonial usage for thousands of years in the pacific islands has hit the US, Mary Jane’s Relaxing Soda with kava, sugar and passion flower extract is now on the market.

Get down.

If you don’t know the Edwards in Pacific Harbour, there is a charming hotel, The Pearl, within walking distance from their home.

It’s on the beach and a lovely place to HQ when you visit Fiji

Thoughts;

I loved the sign that said “Beware of Gravity Fed Coconuts”.

Most Fijians do not wear shoes. The bellman at the hotel will most likely be barefoot. Both men and women can be seen walking down dirt roads barefoot. And that makes me wonder if, after walking on the dirt, they have to put on shoes when they enter the house.

We’ll miss Fiji and the Fijians.

It will all happen after Christmas when we get back from Fiji.